you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
