Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
