so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
