On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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