R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
