would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
