eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
