Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My dick has a subreddit
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize