I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
