So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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