Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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