Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Did I show you my penis last night?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
