Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
