She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
