so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
