Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize