When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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