ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
