Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize