And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
