this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
