Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
