I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I got inside last night via doggy door
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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