At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
