I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
