I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
