and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
