There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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