Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
