This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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