I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
