so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
