That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
