I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
third nipple confirmed
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
