hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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