I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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