Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
