His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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