remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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