We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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