you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just high enough for therapy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
