you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize