rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
