I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
