He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize