Christians are straight up FREAKS
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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