She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
