are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
