If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
