look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
