Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
