update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize