So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
