Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
