wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize