Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
