so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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