here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
