HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
