I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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