So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
