Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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