This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
