Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
