Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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