If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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