We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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