I wish I could punch you in the face.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
