why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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