do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
