You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
