you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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