Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
