This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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