Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
