Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
