She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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