I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
