Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
