I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
