He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
