my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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