My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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