I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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