Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
