so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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