in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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