i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
