Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
