I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She's JV to your varsity
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can't put those talents on a resume
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I believe in your delicious
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
