Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
