dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
