I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
