just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
