She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize