God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You're like the curious george of whores
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
