We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
there is puke in my bra ... again
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
