you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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