Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
