i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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