i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
