shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
