and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
